I Feel

Only a few hours left before Ramadhan leaves.I've been so busy lately that I could hardly sit in front of my Samsung NC10.Cleaning the floor and the windows of the whole house, painting the kitchen, changing the bed sheet and the cushion cover, tidying up the kitchen, sweeping the floor, washing the clothes, helping mak cooking, went to bazaar with ayah, cutting the trees and the list goes on. So tired. How I so love doing them when I was young, but to do all them by myself is too much. Where are my siblings? 


I finished up many things last night, so today I have plenty of time for myself. Honestly at this time of the month, I became more sensitive with my surroundings. I feel that they have become ignorant because I am here to be with the olds. I feel that she has taken advantage of me with what I possessed. I feel that she takes my kindness for granted, always wants somethings immediately but taking too long to return somethings. I feel that he never really make an effort to help me but just wants to help when he is free. I feel that she thinks that I am rich that she keeps asking me for help. I feel that I can no longer depend on other people but to do everything on my own. I feel guilty if I don't help people but people never feel that way when they put me in trouble. I feel that they are making me phobia of the thing, that I would never think about it anymore


What a mixture of feelings. Maybe I was being too soft when dealing with people. Maybe I shouldn't be too kind to people. Maybe I should just ignore them. Maybe I shouldn't be too close to her. Maybe I need to spell out everything to them.


Don't know what is it like to be celebrating raya again in Malaysia after six years.


But I do enjoy my time doing tarawih at surau, with all the makcik-makcik. They treated me like their own daughter, love me and respect me fairly.Hoping to meet them again tomorrow, during solat raya.


Taking this opportunity to ask for forgiveness for all my wrongdoings, I am truly sorry, I am just a human being with thousands of disadvantages. Salam Aidilfitri. Careful when driving. Don't drink and drive. Today we are still fasting.


I met him on merdeka day, will I meet him again on raya day?