Working Pneumoniac

I have been loading myself with tonnes of medication for the past two weeks, only to find out that I've been suffering with pneumonia. Last weekend, I was feeling so unwell that I almost escape the ACLS course (which I should have done). The venue was too cold, really making my condition worse. I felt like switching off the air conditioner, for the sake of everyone.

Yesterday my temperature came up and I was having headache as I was coughing too much. I started doing census and standby, which means, whenever they call for neonatal resuscitation, I have to run and be there on time. At night, I was oncall for standby again, luckily they changed my call from C1 to passive call. I considered I had a good call, only 3 babies needed standby. But, at night, during my semiconscious state, I coughed and coughed and coughed badly, I even gasped for breath, that's according to my oncall partner.

That is why this  morning I decided not to be strong anymore, I asked for leave from my MO, went to OPD to get checked up, tested my blood to rule out dengue, got my medication, got my 2 days MC and went home. My FBC did show dengue picture but my WBC and neutrophil are slightly raised. My temperature was 39.3 and I had some crepitations over left lower zone. So, diagnosed as pneumonia.Given Augmentin to complete 1 week.

To my surprise, two of my good friends are having sick leave too, one for fever, another one for conjunctivitis. All of us are unwell at the same time.I am glad that I got sick leave for today and tomorrow, because for the past two weeks I have been working like zombie, with no off at all, thanks to the ACLS course which took my weekend completely away.

Now after two doses of Augmentin, my cough is still bad with on and off dyspnoea but temperature has gone down. I let myself to sweat a lot to get the fever down as previously I was shivering constantly while others were feeling warm.Now I have to do chest physiotherapy and learn to spit out the phlegm.

May Allah cure me and forgive my sins.

The Feeling

I still remember that feeling on the night before I started my first call in that department. Time flies soooo fast. Now I'm having that feeling again, thinking that tomorrow is going to be my first oncall in this department. The difference is, the last time, I had at least five days to work in the ward and be familiarise with the working environment. But this time, I am going to be oncall right after I completed two weeks of tagging. Let's just hope that everything will be fine and just fine. Luckily my oncall partner is my own friend.

Since I started working in this department, I have no time to properly look and understand on the current issues in the country, mainly the Bersih 2.0. But I know for sure that I hated the advertisement about it, acted by the three actors - so lame and so obviously on which side. I guess this is not a free country, where people have freedom of speech and freedom of voicing out opinions. The government keep saying that there are many better ways of delivering opinion, such as debating in the parliament, but that is just at the MPs level. What about the rakyat? I thought rakyat didahulukan, pencapaian diutamakan?

I always wonder, why is it they are so chicken to just let the rakyat voice out their opinion at public, such as in a perhimpunan like Bersih? Having joined a demonstration of anti zionism and anti - killing of innocent people in Palestine made me impressed, the Irish government not just allowed the demo to be conducted, but also advised the Gardai to help manage the traffic during demos! We successfully had the demo, delivered the messages to public and disperse in peace. So, what's the problem? I do not think that Malaysian are that stupid or unmannered to do vandalism etc if they are given their rights to gather and demo. See, even the people who called themselves Patriot also chose demonstration as their freedom of speech. The difference is, you know what they want to talk about.

In my humble opinion, I just think that we need a government who is brave enough and purely honest to lead the nation. And please, don't waste anymore rakyat's money on unnecessary luxurious things. A good government fights its rivals sword with sword, not a machine gun with a sword, they let the rivals attack, and they defense and counter attack, not by backstabbing and injuring the rivals before the match even started. Be brave and more honest, sure rakyat will love you.

Now is the dengue season, beware of Aedes!
After I stepped into the ward for my first day, I already went home with febrile condition. Let's just hope that my immune system is strong enough tomorrow.

p/s I wish our prime minister can come and have a look at the ward, so @#$%^&, please give us some budget, so that we can replace the crusty beds, paint the dull walls and hang some air conditioners. Thank you.

Hanya Insan Biasa

Sepantas kilat ia berlalu. Rasa bagai hanya semalam aku melalui detik-detik perit tagging di jabatan itu. Kini telah pun berada di jabatan berikutnya.Lain mangkuk, lain kuahnya, namun rasa masin itu tetap ada. Kadang-kala ketidakadilan yang berlaku membuatkanku berasa lemah, kadang-kala pula menguatkanku. Inilah peri pentingnya untuk orang yang faham agama berkuasa. Faham agama Islam lebih tepatnya. Hidup tidak semudah yang diangan-angankan. Untuk menjadikan suatu angan-angan sebuah realiti, perlu melalui kepayahan yang berat, membuatkanku terfikir, benarkah ini jalan yang perlu dipilih? Atau ada jalan lain yang lebih berbahagia?

Kesulitan menjaga seorang warga emas adalah suatu cabaran, lebih-lebih lagi jika yang dijaga itu seorang yang keras kepala dan outspoken. Suhu di dalam rumah telah menjadi tinggi. Untuk menyejukkannya kami sengaja melucukan sesuatu perkara yang berlaku itu. Perlu lebih banyak bersabar, seperti mak selalu berkata, masa kita nanti, tak tahu bagaimana keadaannya pula. Bila aku sudah tidak tahan, kebisuan menjadi muka hadapan hidupku. Biar hati sendiri yang sakit, usah menyakiti yang lain.

Kematian bisa menyedarkan insan yang masih hidup. Menginsafkan. Mengingatkan kita bahawa hidup hanya sementara, sama ada kita yang pergi dahulu, atau orang yang disayangi yang pergi dahulu. Pemergian secara mengejut seorang yang diingati akibat ischaemic bowel amat menyedihkan. Tatkala aku ketika itu bertarung dengan oncall yang tiada kesudahan, dia pergi meninggalkan dunia. Sudah sampai ajalnya. Baru sahaja pulang dari berkenduri-kendara di Perak, mengalami cirit-birit satu malam, keesokannya pergi terus setelah pembedahan menunjukkan ususnya sudah menjadi gangrenous. Kepada Allah jua tempat kita kembali.

Perhubungan sesama manusia adalah didasarkan pada redha Allah. Jika bukan redhaNya yang dicari, tidak perlulah berhubungan sekadar suka-suka atau mahu mencuba-cuba. Ikhlas dalam perhubungan amat penting, jujur dan amanah sama pentingnya. Perhubungan tanpa sifat-sifat ini tidak harus diteruskan, khuatir jika murkaNya yang datang. Mungkin pertemuan dan perpisahan itu ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Bagai orang selalu berkata, Allah turunkan hujan di tengah hari untuk memberi pelangi yang lebih indah.

Tanggungjawab seorang anak adalah membahagiakan kedua orang tuanya. Sama ada melalui doa, harta, kasih sayang, masa....asalkan mereka bahagia, pilihlah cara yang mana pun. Amat kecewa dengan sikap segelintir anak-anak, terutamanya yang lelaki, apabila telah berkahwin, seluruh perhatian dan tanggungjawabnya ditumpukan pada keluarga baru yang dibinanya, kononnya dialah ketua keluarga dan harus bertanggungjawab. Tidak sedar bahawa tanggunggjawabnya sebagai anak lelaki kepada ibu bapanya tidak pernah terlucut walaupun dia menjadi suami kepada empat orang isteri sekalipun. Hargailah masa yang ada, sementara orang tua masih hidup, sementara mereka masih boleh melihat untuk menikmati wajah seorang anak yang tersenyum penuh kasih sayang, sementara mereka masih boleh merasai belaian tangan seorang anak, mengusap dan membelai tubuh badan mereka, sementara mereka masih boleh mendengar tutur kata seorang anak yang mengucapkan sayang dan cinta kepada mereka, sementara mereka masih boleh menelan makanan yang dibeli atau dimasak dengan ikhlas oleh anak-anak, sementara mereka masih boleh berjalan ke tempat-tempat indah yang dibawa oleh anak-anak dan sementara mereka masih berakal untuk mendoakan kesejahteraan anak-anak mereka pada setiap hari...

Usahlah menanti sehingga mereka terlalu rabun untuk mengecam wajah anak sendiri, sehingga mereka terlalu lemah untuk merasai belaian tangan anak-anak, sehingga mereka sudah tidak boleh mendengar suara anak sendiri, sehingga mereka tidak mampu lagi mengenal manis dan masamnya makanan, sehingga mereka lumpuh dan hanya terperap di dalam rumah ataupun sehingga mereka nyanyuk dan tidak mampu untuk mendoakan anak-anak...

Aku hanya insan biasa...